Remembered

I am thinking of my grandma tonight.  Dad just called to tell me that grandpa is gone.   He was diagnosed with lung cancer last spring.  I don’t think anyone thought it would be this fast.  I had been hoping to see him next summer when we make it down south again.  Now that chance is lost. 

After I hung up with Dad I had myself a good cry.  I realized I was not weeping for him, he is free of pain and in a better place.  I was weeping, sobbing really, for myself.  He has been on my mind for so long, and I have composed dozens of letters in my head, but none on paper.  There was never the time, and when I took the time I would get lost in the memories.   I am also heart broken for Grandma who is now alone after over 60 years of marriage. 



Grandpa and Grandma have been in the same place since before my dad was born.  After serving in WWII grandpa entered his name for a plot of land from the Hunt Relocation Camp, where they built their home and raised 6 kids.  Grandpa had grown up on a farm near Rigby, Idaho and farming was always in his blood. 
When I was a kid I spent lots of time on Grandpa and Grandma’s farm.  They lived just three miles away and Mom was often needed to help Dad on our own farm.  I stayed with Grandma while Dad and Mom worked, and I loved Grandma’s house.  There was always a full candy dish and ice cream bars in the freezer.  Grandpa had built a swing set in the back yard, an old fashioned thing that could swing really high.  Grandma always had an amazing flower garden all around the yard.   Summer days were the best with cousins around.  With toy tractors, bulldozers, and dump trucks we would create roads and constructions sights around the edge of the garden beds. 

They had a huge old apple tree in the back yard, we could all climb almost up to the top and there were so many branches that we could each take our pick and eat apples until we were full.  Starting around the first part of July we would start tasting the apples to see if they were ripe.  We ate many too early and grandma worried that we would be sick.   Sitting in that tree was one of my favorite places on the farm.  It was the perfect hiding place because even standing at the base of the tree no one could see us through the branches at the top.  I loved sitting there and looking out at the fields below.  I especially loved to see the wheat turn gold, and watch the stocks waving in the breeze. 

Sometimes as kids we would play hide and seek in the corn field.  We were not supposed to be out there where we could get lost.  I never understood how we would get lost.  All we ever had to do walk down the corn row until we came to the end.  We were always very careful to make sure that we didn’t break off any of the stocks, that was money down the road.  But we could walk out a ways and lay down in the row and hide pretty well.  

When the fields were off limits we would play in the barn and the sheds.  There were so many great places on the farm and we found them all.  The dusty shed where the saddles were hung, and grandpa’s old motor bikes.  There was the little old trailer where grandma kept the old toys, the crochet set (that we had to set up several times during the summer), her empty canning jars, and anything else that she felt needed to be packed up and put way.  It was full of all kinds of treasures to see.  We played cowboys and indians, or cops and robbers, or spies.  There were always the good guys and the bad guys, but it didn’t really matter what side we were on as long as we were having fun.

Holidays were a big deal.  That is what I miss the most since getting out on my own.  At nearly every holiday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, 4th of July; we would gather as grandma’s.  There was always a ton of food, and as much dessert as we wanted.  The grown ups would stay late playing Pictionary, Pinochle, Oh Heck, and many other games and I would sit and watch until I was finally allowed to play.   Most of the time all the kids would gather in the TV room to watch movies.  Grandpa had a better selection that we had at home and Grandma always made sure that there were plenty of kids movies too. 

Grandma and Grandpa kept all seven of us kids when Mom and Dad were down at Primary Children’s Hospital with my sister Toni.  She was born with Trisomy 13.  We knew when she was born that something was wrong, and they spent five days down in Salt Lake while the doctors ran their tests.   On Saturday Grandpa loaded us all into the car for the 4 dour drive down to see her for possibly the last time.  The doctors were sure that once she was taken off the oxygen she would be gone, but she lasted for another day and a half.  I went home with Mom and Dad and Grandpa and Grandma took the other kids.  She past away early on Monday morning.  Grandma and Grandpa brought the kids over before school to come and say good by.  I stayed to help Mom and Dad, but they later dropped me off at school.  I understand now that they needed their time alone to grieve.  I made it through the morning, but couldn’t go on after lunch.  It was Grandpa who came to pick me up.  He wrapped me up and took me home. 

He was always quiet, not a man of many words; but he showed he cared through his actions.    He had a deep heart and a true commitment to family.    In his quiet way he was the back bone of the family, the patriarch, and was respected for it.  He was not always active in church, becoming active in my late teen years and returning to the temple on my wedding after over 50 years of absence.  My wedding was made more special by that fact.  

I didn’t get a chance to say good by, but I feel so comforted knowing that I will see him again.  He will be with Grandma again.  Now he is healthy and free from the pain of the last several months.   Grandpa was one of those salt of the earth farmers, dedicated to his land, his crop, and his family.  He was a great example and he is going to be missed.

Remembering the Reason

This afternoon was our primary Christmas activity.   We wanted to have an activity that would be simple and meaningful for the children, so we planned to have the children act out the Nativity. 
We dresses our lambs,

and a donkey
 
and angels.
  
Our wise men were looking good and sporting modern conveniences.

Then we assembled on stage.  Our lambs sat quietly to hear the angles message.
 
The angles assembled in the sky to herald the birth of the Savior.

Then the lambs gathered in the stable to see the baby Jesus.   Little Kaci Martin was a perfect choice for this part.  She is a precious little 1 month old in our ward.



After the show the kids gathered around the table to create their own little nativity scene out of popsicle sticks.  While they were busily building we had a special visitor, and the kids left their projects to visit with Santa.  There were special moments, shy smiles, and conversations kids can only have with Santa. 
 
 
 

But in the end, I hope that the kids felt the true spirit of Christmas and will remember the part they played as we reenacted the Christmas story.  It is not the season of flashy lights, endless shopping, and the hussle and bussle filling each day.  With a big roll of paper, a hand drawn scene, cotton balls, fabric scraps, and tinsel we did just a little bit to bring Christ back into our Christmas.

A sweet treat

Today I had another cake order.  I don’t do many of these because I have a ridiculously tiny kitchen and I end up taking up the whole thing when I do a cake.   This means everyone had better not want anything from the kitchen until I am done. 

I started this cake last night and was really excited to see it coming together.  It was for a 12 year old girls birthday and I was told she did not want anything classic or cutesy, but something with lots of colors and shapes.  

 

I started with the candles.  They were the most fun to make, large pretzel sticks cut in half and dipped in white chocolate.   I rolled out yellow starburst candies to cut the flames, then attached them with more melted chocolate.  The effect was that it looked like melted candle wax dripping down the candle.   I made a batch of marshmallow fondant to cover the cake and Alyssa helped me cut stripes and polka dots to decorate the candles.

I had enough cake batter left to make a cupcake that I wrapped in fondant for the cake top.  Once the cake was all assembled I attached the candles with more melted chocolate, and sprinkled chocolate shavings as confetti all over the cake. 

    

I was pretty happy with the way it all turned out, and I hope that sweet girl had a great birthday party.   Even though it took a lot of time, and caused my kitchen to explode, I loved making this cake. 

Oh how they grow!

December has just flown by, and I can’t believe that Christmas is in just 10 days.  Still we have had a great month so far, and have taken advantage of the time at home to do things together.
Alyssa loves to bake, and she has recently tried her hand at cinnamon rolls.  With very little instructions from mom, she made the dough, rolled it out, formed and cut the rolls, and got them ready to bake.  All mom had to do was put them into the oven while she was at piano lessons and drizzle on the frosting.

We made gingerbread housed this year for our December Relief Society Enrichment meeting.  The kids were bummed that they did not get to help so we made candy trains for Family Home Evening to set out with the house.  I had a great time decorating the house myself this year.  Usually I just supply the frosting and clean up the mess when they are done, and that is pretty much how it went with the trains this year.  Chad even joined in on the fun and worked with Kaylin to create a pretty awesome train.  He had an ice pond where Santa fell through the ice and just left his face sticking out.  He also had Santa run down by the train leaving him in two pieces in the back of the train.  Sam and Connor thought these were a great idea and quickly made their Santas match.  Alyssa was horrified that they would do that to Santa, and thinks that they will not get any presents this year from him.



Alyssa had her winter orchestra performance last night.  It was great to hear all the kids and they played very well.  You can tell that they have all worked really hard and we enjoyed the whole concert.  We were disappointed in the students and where sitting around us.  We had to remind them all a couple of times to be quiet as they were talking to each other, on the phone, and cat calling the kids on stage.  It was very disappointing to see that they have no idea how to be respectful not only to the kids preforming but to those sitting near them as well.  Despite this we all had a great time and were very please with Alyssa and the hard work she has put into her music.

The weekend no one wanted.

Twas the night before Sunday, and all through the house

most of the family was ill, leaving few to help out.

Coughing and retching were the usual sound,

and moaning and groaning could be heard all around.

Dinner that night was  pitifully rare,

very few could eat and the table was left bare.

 

Mother had gone to bed early that night

and left Father and the children to the usual fight.

It did not take long once we were all settled in bed

for the retching to return, mom wishing to be dead.

But she bravely got up and with dad they did face

the the children, the sheets, and bedding with distaste.

When it all was cleaned up and we fell back to bed

Dad was feeling it too, and a pain in his head.

 

Sunday morning dawned not quite so early,

and we stumbled out of bed around 9:30.

Cold cereal it seemed  was the meal of the day,

for those that could eat at all, anyway.

And the rest of us gathered round the living room floor,

watching TV and movies, we could do little more.

So we spent the Sabbath just laying around,

piled high with all the quilts and throws that were found.

Sunday night showed some progress, little retching at least,

and we all trundled off to our beds for more sleep.

 

After a weekend full of sickness and smell,

we are hoping today will find us all well.

Dad’s off to work, mom’s showered and cleaned up,

the children still sleeping to recover their stuff.,

The house needs a good cleaning, more laundry to wash,

and I hope that for now we can just get caught up.

I hope you don’t have a weekend like ours, but if you do,

just know that we have been there too.

To turkey or not to turkey

Fall is here, although for a while I thought it completely passed over fall and jumped straight to winter.  Starting the car early to defrost the windows is usually the first sign.  A couple of years ago one of the guys Chad works with installed an auto start on his car.  I think somewhere along there Chad had thought about having it put in the van too, but that is as far as it got.  It has been really nice having that auto start function.  Before that glorious day I would don my shoes (sometimes boots) over bear feet, throw a coat over my pajamas and run out to start his car and occasionally scrape snow off the windows.  There are still occasions when I may have to fight my way out into the cold to scrape the windows, but auto start has saved me many cold mornings. 

I guess it feels more like winter when the wind is howling and the rain (sleet) is beating against the windows.  Today it just seems cold.  It was actually sunny yesterday, if you can call it sunny with the sun hanging so low in the sky and the temp defying the brightly cloudless day.  I saw people out running, something I might have done had it not been a Sunday and had I not a million other things to do every other day of the week.  I do miss running outside in the fresh air and seeing the beautiful scenery around me.  However, I continue to reach for my goal spending my time strapped to the treadmill.  I am almost half way there, but still have so far to go.  

Thanksgiving is just four days away.  Hooray!!!  I have always loved Thanksgiving, I think it has always been my favorite holiday.  Growing up it meant harvest was over, work in the fields was done for a few months, and all the family would get together at Grandma’s for the big turkey dinner.  There was always more food that we could possibly eat, and I could eat pie and ice cream until I was stuffed.  And every few years my birthday would fall on the big day.  Those were some of the best birthday parties.  Not surrounded by friends, but surrounded by family, aunts, uncles, and lots of cousins.  I miss those gatherings.  In the last twelve years I haven’t been able to go very often.  When we were first married we didn’t go because we had to work the day before and the day after and travel was just too hard and gas was too expensive.  Instead we surrounded ourselves with friends from work or church who were also separated from family.  Since moving to Alaska 8 years ago we have only spent Thanksgiving with family once.   We hear of the big get togethers, everyone coming home, the crowded house, the mountains of food and we substitute in our own way.  Chad and I made a deal years ago.  I get to fill the house for Thanksgiving and get as many people together as I can, and he gets to plan Christmas.  Chad does not like big gatherings, crowds of people, or lots of noise, so it is often a quiet affair, although surprisingly not always lonely.  It has been a good arrangement.  

This year we are going to a friends house, which is great for me because now I don’t have to stress about cleaning everything in sight.  I am reminded of my grandmother who would spend weeks before a big family gathering scrubbing everything, including the ceiling.   I am not that crazy, but I can’t enjoy getting together if I am worried about someone seeing the stack of papers and crap piled up on the desk, or the endless clutter because we live in a house that can not hold all the accumulation of 6 people.   Or the kitchen nightmare of preparing so much food in a way too small kitchen.  So I am glad that we get to make our share of the dinner, leave the kitchen in a disaster zone, and spend the after noon with some good friends.  For the past 5 or 6 years we have cooked 3 turkeys for Thanksgiving.  One for work, one for church, and one for our own dinner.  I am soooo glad that Amy is cooking the turkey this year.  We already cooked 2 turkeys last week (one for the office party and one for the church party) and have almost the whole thing left over from both.  There was so much food as the church party that our 20 pound turkey, two trays or stuffing, and gallon of gravy never even left the kitchen to be set out on the serving tables.  We will already have had a week of leftovers before Thanksgiving is here.  Thankgoodness it is still my favorite holiday or I would be really tired of it by now.  As it is we are just tired of turkey.  For Christmas is will either be ham or prime rib, with no turkey in sight.   

Restart, again!

I am finally getting back to my schedule. Per doctors orders I laid off the running routine and got a little extra rest.  For the first time in a week and a half I was up running, and put in my 4 miles.  I really need to do some catch up from the week that I missed to reach my goal, but I did enjoy the extra hour of sleep everyday. 

We have still been working hard to be rid of the pest problem too.  The exterminator came last week and sprayed everything, and my house has not felt this clean in a long time.  I never knew it would take so much work to get ready for someone to come in and fumigate my house.  We were washing everything that could be washed, shampoo carpets, clean out closets, vacuum corners, baseboards, and heater vents.  It felt like we were cleaning for an inspection.  The kids still do not have any cloths in their rooms, which has made it incredibly easy to keep rooms clean.  Aside from having to deal with four giant plastic totes full of clothes stacked in my living room I am enjoying  it. 

Today swim team starts back up again.  Five months of running back and forth to the pool with one kid or another everyday.  This week the girl’s piano teacher is back in town, so piano lessons will start up again too.  I am glad to see that the kids will stay active again, and they really love to swim, and I am glad that they have that opportunity.  Growing up we only had volley ball, basketball, or track.   In those days I was not a runner, so the closest I got to sporting events was playing in the pep band. 

Each day brings a new adventure.  You could say that it looks like the same old thing day after day, and it does.  Each day we struggle with chores, homework, sewing, laundry, meals to prepare, church callings, and other responsibilities.   But even with all of the similarities each day, we strive to better ourselves, our home, and our relationships.    I know that my relationship with my children is better than it was two years ago.  There are many days when I wish that I could send them all off to school and enjoy my time, to spend my day as I want.  But I enjoy my children so much more now than I used to.  We talk more, we play more, and we learn new things each day.  I never thought I would be excited to have my children home, or that it would even be something I would want.  I am glad to know that even I am changing and and learning to be better along with my children.